Fireworks
by Cometstrike
Summary: Holiday entry. Ratchet and Clank have a task at hand on this big day, but can they succeed while avoiding sudden problems that crop up?


Clank tapped the end of the pen on the clip board. He tilted his head to the side, squinting. "Hmm. A little to the left…"

Ratchet balanced dangerously on the edge of the ladder, which wobbled slightly as he unpinned the banner and repositioned it several inches to the left.

"-Whoa…that good, Clank?"

"Hmm…adjust it 2.12 millimeters to the left."

The lombax pushed his body impossibly farther to the left even more, barely teetering on the edge of the ladder. His arms and legs were shaking from exhaustion as he struggled to keep the banner and he turned his head carefully down to look at Clank. "H-Here?"

"….oh, now you have to move it 4.8 millimeters to the right."

Ratchet threw his arms up. "Okay, screw it! _WHOA!_" The ladder shook, thrown out of balance by Ratchet's abrupt movement. The banner shifted to the right a bit as Ratchet lost his grip on it. Clank opened his mouth in surprise as the ladder toppled over to the side, sending the lombax careening to the floor. The robot saw a wall of orange in his vision right before being pinned down onto the ground, hearing a pained groan as well. The clipboard attached Ratchet and Clank together.

"Ow…." Ratchet muttered. "I think I twisted a nipple."

"Can you please get off me?" Clank asked, his voice muffled.

"Huh? Oh, sorry pal…"

Ratchet pushed himself off of the robot, massaging the spot on his chest where the clipboard had stuck into him. He turned and looked up.

"Did I put it on dead center this time?" The lombax snarked, gesturing at the banner. Clank squinted up at it, one finger on his mouth. Then he chuckled and said, "Actually…you did. It is perfectly asymmetrical on both sides."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not a perfectionist, or else I would've been up there all day," Ratchet said, following the small robot out the door. "So, how's everybody else doin'?"

"We need to go check on the catering…" Clank said, tapping the pen on the clipboard.

Ratchet rubbed his hands together, grinning widely. "Ah, yes! I wonder what we'll have this year! Sasha and Tal are in charge of it this year, so it should be good!"

Clank smiled playfully up at the lombax and he chuckled again. "Did you not like what Helga made last year?"The robot could've sworn he saw Ratchet turn green underneath his golden fur.

Ratchet shuddered, shaking his head. "Barbequed Pool Shark Liver, Minced Tyhrranoid eyes, and roasted Blargian Snagglebeast test-URGHAUGHHH."

The lombax stopped, then pounded his fist into a nearby wall repeatedly. Clank watched him, grinning. Ratchet hit the wall one last time, keeping a balled fist up to it as hung his head. "She made me eat some of it."

Clank giggled once, then asked, "I heard that it tasted good."

Ratchet raised his head up, looking at Clank with disbelieving eyes. "From who? Who would say that…that…" He shook his head, then started speed walking away. Clank ran after him, falling in step next to him.

"All I know, is that Tal and Sasha have everything but what Helga had. I couldn't stop barfing last year for like, weeks."

Clank was silent, then yelled, "I remember! You made such a mess everywhere! And we had to refurbish the furniture…I remember now."

Ratchet raised an eyebrow and a corner of his mouth as he looked down at Clank. "Yeah, you remember it because of all the furniture I hurled on."

"Ratchet! Clank!"

The duo looked up to see Captain Qwark bounding in their direction. He was fully clad in a suit and tie, much to their confusion. Ratchet gave him a once over, tilting his head to the side as he said, "Qwark, this is supposed to be a casual get-together, remember? I don't think a lot of people are going to come beside our friends."

"But that's where you're wrong, cadet!" Qwark wheezed. He pulled out a slip of paper out of his suit and handed it to Ratchet, who unfolded it. "I just got the results from the survey that we took," He paused, catching his breath as the lombax read, "And that's how many people are coming today."

Ratchet's eyebrows rose higher and higher as the numbers he read on the paper got higher and higher. Finally, he slowly looked up at Qwark, handing the paper to Clank. "That many people? Are you sure?"

"Yes, more or less, I mean-"

"-more or less-?!" Ratchet started, widening his eyes at that massive understatement.

"_-that's half of Metropolis!_" The lombax and green superhero finished together.

"Approximately 1 trillion five point billion people?" Clank's mouth dropped.

"Yeah, and I came to tell you we have some slight adjustments to make," Qwark leaned in to the duo. "Ratchet…when you get up on the stage…and do the thing…with all these people, I'm sure some will remain in their cars, floating above us…so we sectioned an area off for you. But still, make sure to point it away from them…"

"Uh, point it_ up?_" Ratchet grinned at him. "Like I was going to do?"

"Bravo!" Qwark straightened up, clapping Ratchet on the back. "Just making sure, you know?"

"Wait…so what about the catering?" Clank asked, sidestepping Ratchet as the lombax sailed to the ground for the second time that day. "I understand that it is for those who specifically set this event, but are there any other official leaders from other planets coming?"

"Good question, little guy!" Qwark chirped. "And the answer is…yes! At least ten other chairmen are coming. Including," He raised an eyebrow, "The President."

"Yeah, we knew Sasha's dad was coming. He has to be the one to make the speech, remember?" Ratchet said.

"Well, just as a recap…we need to make sure that everything is in tip top shape if we want to make a good impression. Though I have no trouble doing that myself (here Ratchet and Clank gave each other skeptical looks) I have to make sure you slackers are doing your job!"

"Don't you need to be somewhere?" Clank asked. "Mr. Advisor?"

"Oh right! Duty calls! Better check on Al and see how the tech's going…" And he sped off.

"We don't have that much to do," Ratchet said, standing up. "We mapped out the area we should use, we did the décor, and all I gotta to is shoot a big-"

"Remember, the number of people attending far surpasses the dozens we thought we initially coming." Clank said. "This is a big change...hopefully nothing goes wrong."

"Buddy. Pal." Ratchet teasingly smirked down at the robot. "Things always go wrong."

* * *

"Hey Sash! Hey Tal!"

"Oh, Ratchet-Clank!"

"Hi guys!"

Ratchet swept over to them, eyeing the table in front of them. "So uh, where's the food?"

The cazar and markazian looked at each other, shaking their heads. "Boys…"

Ratchet heard Clank laughing behind him. His eyebrows furrowed."What? What did I do?"

"FYI, we're not going to set it out just yet with several hours before the celebration…" Sasha began.

"…and plus, you're not getting anything until the President and the other Planetary Leaders get their fill." Tawlyn finished.

"That'll take a long time," Ratchet said longingly, watching several Galactic Rangers and Terachnoids walk around with aprons on in the kitchen behind the girls.

"Oh, well. Snack on something until then, it's good for your metabolism." Sasha told him.

"Or go blow something up."

"Watch Holo-vid."

"Zipline."

Ratchet groaned, tilting his head up to the sky, then turned and walked away in the same position. Clank followed him, waving back. "Bye, you two. Everything is in check."

"Clank, I'm hungry. Let's go to the store."

"All right. I guess it wouldn't hurt if we had a break." Clank stored the clipboard. "By the way…where is..._ it?_"

Ratchet glanced down at him, and the robot saw uncertainty forming in the lombax's eyes. "_It?_ Uh….." He stopped, then froze, his eyes straight ahead. "Uh…oh…"

"I do not like the sound of that," Clank muttered. "Please do not tell me that you…"

"…let it in your apartment on Endako. Shoot." Ratchet finished, snapping his fingers in annoyance.

Clank automatically held up a hand, which Ratchet grabbed. Tossing the robot on his back, he took off for their apartment nearby. "We gotta go get it! I don't have another one that can produce the same affect!"

"What! They are all weapons of mass destruction! From what I remember, they should all have the same affect!" Clank relied, confused.

"I modified this one especially for this event. It just wouldn't be right if I copped out and used another one. No, it matches perfectly for the Fourth of July!"

Ratchet screeched to a halt. "What am I doing, I can call Aphelion from here-"

"Ratchet-" Clank warned suddenly. The lombax then heard a third voice-one he didn't want to hear at that moment.

"_And vhere are you two going?_"

Ratchet spun on his heel, terrified to see Helga standing there- holding two plates of unidentifiable substances. He wrinkled his nose, then sneezed a second later. "Ugh…it's going to be last year all over again."

"Vhat? Do you like?" Helga held up one of the plates in the air, prompting Ratchet to back up until he reached a wall. "This, this is roasted Wigiwump heart! And, shredded Sepiad spleen. Imported right vrom the galaxy of Polaris! I veed a tester, but mysteriously everyvone has disappeared!"

"I wonder why…" Ratchet muttered, pressing his arms to the wall. He looked up at the sky, worried.

"I heard vhat! Now! You vill be my tester this year! Hold still so I can vorce this down your measly throat!" And Helga started coming at them.

"Clank. I need you to promise me this, man," Ratchet muttered, keeping his eyes pinning on the advancing woman, "The next time we choose the place for an event like this, make sure that it has a lot of death traps for Helga."

"Ratchet lombax! I veard that! Now you vill have two servings of each!"

Clank giggled again. "I cannot make any promises, Ratchet."

Ratchet looked up again. "Aphelion, come on, come on…." Then he spotted her, coming down at them due northeast. He leveled his eyes, realizing that he'd have to blast past Helga and get into Aphelion. "Oh boy. I have to go through a stink cloud and somehow survive."

He saw how close Helga was to him, about six feet away. Ratchet sucked in a deep breath, readying himself. He squatted.

"You cannot eat like vat, lombax!" Helga snorted. "Now, ve good and stay right there! Little tin man! You will join him as well!"

At that, Clank stopped laughing and fell into a shocked silence. Ratchet would've laughed, but he was too busy blocking off his nasal passages.

_How is it that I'm holding my breath yet I can still smell the crap that she has?_ Ratchet thought. He glanced past Helga, then ducked under her outstretched arm and made a beeline for Aphelion.

"Aphelion, outta here, now!"

"Hey! Vhere are you going! You vill eat this, lombax!" Helga turned and saw a ship rising up into the sky. Her brow furrowed. "Oh no. They vill not get away!"

* * *

"Aphelion, outta here, now!" Ratchet nearly yelled as they bounded into the cockpit. Clank bounced into his seat, clenching his fists.

"Hurry, Aphelion! We need to get going!"

"All right, all right!" The ship took off into the air quickly, leaving the enraged fitness trainer behind.

Ratchet and Clank pressed their faces to the sides of the cockpit, watching Helga get smaller and smaller below. Finally, they both dropped down with a collective sigh into their seats. "Whew."

"What was that about? Were you two running from anyone?" The ship asked.

Clank tapped in the coordinates for planet Endako. "You could say that. We have just avoided a major disaster." He looked over, hearing Ratchet gagging in the pilot's seat. He was a bit worried when he saw Ratchet pressing a fist up against his mouth. It would be most unfortunate if the lombax decide to spew right then and there. "Uh, Ratchet? Please do no tell me…"

The lombax paused, looking over at Clank, then lowered his fist. "Sorry, my stomach, it-it lurched. The smell-it caught up to me." He hiccupped, then retched again.

"Ratchet?" Clank asked, surprised. He did get a whiff of whatever Helga had before he tuned down his smell receptors, but he'd never known Ratchet to almost get physically sick by just smelling something.

"Okay…I'm-I'm good." The lombax paused for a minute, then straightened up, placing his hands on the controls. "All right! Whew…that was gnarly."

* * *

"Clank, here it is, I got it! It was underneath the couch, where I'd left it."

"Be careful where you point that-no, not at the-!"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!**_

"…..oops….how many cars did I just blow up?"

"About one hundred. Now let's get out of here before law enforcement arrives. And don't point that at anymore parking lots!"

* * *

Ratchet and Clank's eyes widened.

"Whoa…Clank, where am I supposed to land?"

"Look over there-there is a designated area for those who arranged the event. Captain Qwark is waving us down to land there."

Upon returning to Metropolis, they soon discovered that a fraction of those attending the event were already there-the sky was nearly choked with ships, and the plazas were overflowing with people. Giant screens were stationed at certain junction points, and every now and again they would all air a commercial by Captain Qwark himself. In front of the giant stature of said superhero, there was a large stage set up, meant for the president and his associates. Ratchet landed behind the stage, then he and Clank cautiously hopped out.

They were immediately ambushed.

Ratchet felt something grab onto his leg and squeeze it. His head snapped down, and his arms flew behind his back to pull out his wrench-

-then his face softened at the sight of the young, blue-skinned girl smiling up at him with wide eyes. He kneeled down and embraced her tightly.

"Hey, how's it going, Susie?" Ratchet muttered, rubbing the young girl on the back. "You still behaving?"

"Yes, I've been doing fine by myself!" The girl replied. Over Ratchet's shoulder she saw Clank waving at her. "Hi Clank!"

"Hello Susie. Have you come to enjoy the festivities?" Clank asked, letting the small girl hug him as well.

"Uh huh! I came here with Dr. Croid and Nevo!" She pointed behind them, and the duo turned to see the giant behemoth that was Ephemeris sitting several miles away, "Just to be with you guys so we can celebrate!"

"That is…nice. We will all have a good time here," Clank said, smiling. He really did like this kid. "Have you had a walk around Metropolis yet?"

"A walk around Metropolis? You make it sound like a walk in the park, pal." Ratchet snorted.

"No way! I haven't even been here for an hour and I already saw a million people!" The girl said with widened eyes. "It's way different from planet Magnus."

"Must be a big shock to you, right?" Ratchet asked. He gestured towards the back of the stage, and they started walking towards it. Susie and Clank fell in step next to him on opposite sides.

"Uh huh. I really want to get a look around!" The girl said, revolving on her heel and almost tripping; Ratchet stretched out a hand, ready to catch her.

"Whoa, there! So, you want a tour of Metropolis, huh?" Ratchet asked, grinning at her. "I wish we could tonight, but…we-" He and Clank exchanged looks,

"-have no time left…" Clank finished.

Susie looked a bit disappointed, but Ratchet perked up as he said, "We can have it another day if you want," The girl looked up at him, hopefulness growing on her face, "Me and Clank can come pick you up ourselves and return to Metropolis. We'll show you around wherever you want."

"Really?" Susie asked, clenching her fists in excitement.

"Uh huh. We promise." Ratchet said, winking one emerald eye down at her.

"You have our word." Clank added, chuckling.

In the next second, the duo found themselves pressed into a full body hug by Susie. "Oh thank you thank you thank you!"

"N-No problem!" Ratchet wheezed; Susie was crushing his waist. _Can't breathe…_

* * *

"I cannot say how pleased I am to see all of you here. This day is one of momentous event, one that should be remembered forever in the hearts of Solana's citizens."

Ratchet stood stock still, listening closely for the cue Clank was supposed to give him. The robot was onstage, silently handing the president his note cards from behind his podium-it was a long speech, and it been going on for at least an hour now. Right now he was backstage with Captain Qwark, and they were both anxiously aware of how many people were out there, waiting for the big, highly anticipated moment that they were supposed to have.

"Ratchet." Qwark muttered. The lombax looked at him sideways, unnerved. "You did modify this thing to create the massive, explosive effect you said it would give, didn't you?"

"'Course I did!" Ratchet whispered back. "I spent hours on it, and I'm proud with the results!"

"I hope the crowd's please with the results, 'cause my credibility as 'Celebrity Superhero Captain Qwark' will go down if they're not!"

Ratchet stomped his foot softly, making a dull noise on the wood as he rounded on Qwark. "How many people didja tell? I thought I said to keep it a secret!"

"It was a secret…in my inner circle." Qwark countered.

"Which apparently includes the billions of people out there now," Ratchet rolled his eyes, slapping a hand over his face. "I'm guessing you also told them who exactly was going to be making the fireworks this year?"

"Uh…yes?" Qwark tried.

"So I'm screwed if they don't like it." Ratchet sighed. "And yet another problem concocted by you. Ah, my life…" He chuckled lightly.

"That's the spirit, cadet! Keep your head up and push forward through doubt!" Qwark announced in a whisper. He slung his arm around the stiff lombax. "Because if you don't, my popularity will go down."

Just as Ratchet was about to strangle Qwark (He was totally in a position to do so) he felt someone tugging at his pants, and he looked down. "Susie? How'd you get here?"

"I just came to tell you to calm down. I know you're nervous!" The girl whispered. "That's a lot of people, but I know you can go out there and do it!"

Ratchet sighed. "I know, I know, I just have butterflies in my stomach…and considering what I've just been told..." He aimed glare at Qwark, who gave him two thumbs up.

"They expect perfection!" Qwark said cheerfully. Ratchet shot more daggers at him.

"Don't worry about that! Just take a deep breath when you go out, and you should feel better!" Susie coached. She grabbed one of Ratchet's hands suddenly, and the lombax looked down at her, surprised. "I'll go out there with you. Then you won't be as scared."

Ratchet's mouth opened, but nothing came out. At that moment, they heard Clank's metallic voice pipe up on the microphone: "The time has come for the patriotic essentials that help us recognize this wonderful event..."

Ratchet's body hitched. It was about to be his time to go on.

"Ratchet, get ready!" Qwark whispered furiously, sweeping over to the curtain.

"Hey you're not the one doing this!" Ratchet hissed back. He felt his heart beginning to pound.

"It has become a staple every single year, and with this one-it special, in the way of how it will be presented to your waiting eyes."

Ratchet shouldered his RYNO II over his right, moving forward slowly with Susie. The girl squeezed his hand gently.

"And now, the moment that you have been waiting for…"

Qwark tilted his head towards the stage curtains, grasping them and getting ready to pull them back. Ratchet sucked in a deep breath, he and Susie squinting at the bright lights that awaited them on the other side of the partially opened curtain. Qwark pulled it back further, and they could begin to see an ocean of faces that were in front of them; Clank was at the podium, standing on three huge dictionaries to reach the microphone. The President was standing nearby, his arms folded behind his back as always. Sasha was standing next to him, mirroring his position. By now, the lombax's heart was beating in his chest like a drum.

"…a presentation of this year's July 4th fireworks, by none other than the galaxy-renowned hero," Clank turned and beckoned with his right hand, "Ratchet of Veldin."

The lombax felt pressure on his hand, then took another deep breath. He and Susie walked forward, out onto the stage. The giant floating screens now broadcasted the lombax everywhere, and he looked up to see his face almost everywhere within a half mile radius. The billions of people started cheering-and it was loud.

Then immediately, everybody noticed the small girl with him.

The crowd became hushed, whispering about the newcomer. Susie could be seen standing next to Ratchet on the screens, looking around curiously at the unexpected mood shift. Clank noticed and quickly went with it: "…and we are also joined Susie Skeebow, who came to support us Solanians from the Polaris Galaxy."

At this, the crowd erupted again, rising gradually. Knowing it would seem impolite to lower his ears, Ratchet ignored the loud noises assaulting them and endured the crowd clapping and cheering. He looked down at Susie. Now, she looked absolutely excited and not nervous-unlike him.

_I should probably calm down…_ Ratchet thought. _Take a deep breath, and…_

He tightened his grip on Susie's hand, and the young Tharpod looked up at him, smiling. The corners of Ratchet's mouth turned up, and he mouthed a single word: "Thanks"

"Ladies and Gentlemen. And Helga," Clank added, chuckling. The crowd had a few collective laughs here and there, "The time has come for this year's July Fourth fireworks demonstration. Ratchet, if you will."

The crowd silenced, watching the lombax closely now. Ratchet let go of Susie's hand and winked down at her. Nearby, Captain Qwark was biting the nails of his hands, waiting anxiously. Ratchet pulled the weapon off of his shoulders, walking ahead to stand in front of the podium. He held his RYNO out in front of him, pointing it at the crowd right in front of him and they understandably began shifting backwards. But he was only taking the safety off, and now he lifted the RYNO up to the sky. Behind him, he heard Clank mutter, " "Thirty six shots on zero... Five…four…three…two…one…now."

Ratchet pulled and held the trigger, counting for six seconds. Thirty six missiles shot high up into the air, thankfully avoiding any cars, and exploded violently in blasts of brightly shining colors-red, white and blue. The outline of stars accompanied the normal blossoming fireworks as they brightly painted the sky with colors. The crowd stared straight up ahead in awe. Hands everywhere pointed upwards, no doubt belonging to younger children. And one of them, of course, happened to belong to Susie.

Ratchet turned his head slightly at the sound of Clank's voice. "Again, Ratchet. This time, you can go all out now that they've seen a bit."

"Really?" Ratchet muttered, grinning as the last firework began to die down. "Great. I've been wanting to do this for awhile."

He pointed the cannon up to the sky and pressed the trigger again.

* * *

"That- was- awesome!"

"I agree. That was a fantastic display that you put on, Ratchet. I am proud of you for making this year's celebration so exuberant."

They were now at the catering table, an hour after the event's climax. Sasha and Tawlyn had been with them earlier, but had left with The President to go greet other planetary chairmen that were mingling around the area. Ratchet smiled down at the robot. "Thanks pal. And I thank you for moving on the fly when you saw Susie with me."

"That reminds me. Why did she come out with you?"

"Well…I had a small case of stage fright…" Ratchet began, rubbing the back of his head, looking sheepish. "…and she gave some words of encouragement and decided to go out with me."

"That... was sweet of her." Clank said admiringly, a bit shocked. "She was in an unfamiliar place and knew she had to go out in front of millions of people. How…bold."

"Yeah." Ratchet said softly. He cast his eyes down. After a moment, he said, "You know, I really do like that kid."

"Me too," Clank's eyes glinted mischievously. "She reminds me of someone I knew…when they were young. Always wanting to go out and see the world and the galaxies beyond."

Ratchet looked at him quizzically, tilting his head to the side.

"They were a bit naughty, yet they also had a big heart and would help anyone that they came across," Then he thought, _At the beginning, there was some persuasion on my part, but still…_ "And to this day, they are still the same person I always knew they were."

Ratchet's eyes bugged out, reminding Clank of when the lombax was a teenager. They had bugged out then, but the robot never said anything about it. Ratchet put a hand to his chest, leaning back. "Clank, Susie reminds you of _me?_"

The robot nodded, but at that moment, they were both interrupted by Qwark, who dropped by. "Listen you two, I just want to say that you did a good job of saving my reputation tonight. I knew I could count on you two!"

Ratchet reached around, taking a nonchalant sip of his drink as he stared at Qwark with creased eyebrows. He had to have something in his mouth or else he would have said something very rude. The feeling passed and he set it back down on the table and asked, "Haven't you patronized us enough tonight?"

"Aw, don't be like that! Tell you what," Qwark leaned in closer, motioning for the duo to lean in. "I'll keep Helga away from you two, as a way to show my thanks."

Ratchet and Clank exchanged glances, then gave Captain Qwark disbelieving looks. "You can't be serious." Ratchet told him, his eyes wide. "We already ate anyway, so we don't have to-"

"Do you really think that'll stop her from coming after you two? She's been storming around Metropolis all day, yelling that you two ran away from her earlier. Besides, she's really mad at you Clank, for what you said about her when you were at the podium."

Clank spread his hands out, incredulous. "I thought that she preferred to be in her own gender group! I heard you say so, years ago!"

"I did? Well I guess she doesn't anymore-"

"**RATCHET AND CLANK!**"

The trio froze, turning slowly to face the voice. Around them, chairmen also turned at the loud explosion that just happened to sound like the galactic duo's name. Several feet away, The President, Sasha, and Tawlyn turned to face Ratchet and Clank, with the words run for your life etched in their faces.

And then, they saw Helga stampeding towards them, still holding the two ginormous plates. As she passed people, they collapsed over backwards, fainting instantly as the smell hit them.

Ratchet felt his stomach lurch._ Again._

"Deal!" He and Clank told Qwark, who stepped in front of them. The duo ducked under the table, hidden by the table cloth. They felt the ground shaking harder and harder as Helga came closer. Ratchet held his breath and closed his eyes. He heard an almost silent chuckle next to him.

"Qwark! Vhere is Ratchet and Clank! I saw vheir puny bodies sitting right vere!"

"I didn't see Ratchet and Clank here," Qwark replied, and Ratchet almost started laughing because it sounded like Qwark had his nose pinched between his fingers. "You just missed them, they went to go find some real foo-I mean, ah…"

"Iz this not real food?" Helga bellowed. She waved the platters again. Behind her, Sasha was guiding The President away with help from Tawlyn. Some people that hadn't been knocked out the first time were now crawling on the ground, trying to get away.

"I didn't mean it like that, Helga! You know that everyone loves your food!"

Underneath the table, Ratchet snorted with laughter. But then he had to breathe, so he did and gagged loudly.

"Vhat was that?" Helga demanded.

Ratchet and Clank froze. The duo looked around, then realized that they weren't alone under the table. They both jumped, and due to his height, Ratchet hit his head on the table.

"Qwark, are you hiding them from me?"

"No, no, of course *gag* not!"

Susie put a finger to her lips, then pointed behind her. "That way." She muttered, and the duo nodded. They started crawling down the table, fast. At the very end, the robot cautiously pulled the cloth back, peering out. Ten feet down, he saw Helga still interrogating Qwark, who seemed to be close to fainting-from the pressure or the smell, he couldn't tell. Susie went ahead, hiding behind one of the many pots that housed shrubbery in Metropolis. It was big enough for her-and Clank, who joined her, but too small for Ratchet to fit behind as well.

"Keep going, I'm right behind you." Ratchet muttered.

Clank and Susie snuck on ahead, managing to make it past Helga without her seeing them. Ratchet mentally sighed. One slip up and he was dead. Literally.

Glancing at Helga one last time, he jumped and rolled behind the brush. He had to crouch and lower his ears; it still just barely hid him. He paused, then snuck a look around the plant just in time to see Helga push Qwark aside and flip the table.

"Dang it!" Ratchet muttered, then he took his chances and shot off like an arrow. It was now or never. He was overjoyed to see Clank and Susie waiting for him up ahead, peering out from behind a lamp post. They waved him down.

"…Hmm?_ AHA!_"

Ratchet's blood ran cold.

"_I see you, lombax!_"

"Guys, run! Cover's blown!" Ratchet hollered. He pulled Clank up on his back as he passed and swept Susie up in one arm. Behind them, Helga started chasing them down. "YOU VILL NOT ESCAPE!"

"Aphelion, we need you! Like, now!" Ratchet nearly bellowed into his NavUnit. He glanced behind and saw Helga barreling after them. He could outrun her, but she had more stamina than he did. "Oh boy…Clank! Get ready!"

Much to Susie's shock, Ratchet went and launched himself off the railing, sending them plummeting down to another walkway hundreds of feet below. "Ratchet! _What are you-!_" The girl shrieked, holding him closer.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine!" Ratchet told her, and at that second Clank deployed his Helipack, letting them drift down for the last fifty feet. He felt the grip on his chest loosen up, and he smiled gently down at the girl, who was staring down with wide eyes. "See? Everything's good!"

"Ratchet!" Clank cried suddenly. Ratchet turned his head. "Yeah, pal?"

"Helga's firing at us! _OOMPH!_"

There was a wet splatting noise as something collided with the robot's body. Ratchet and Susie turned their heads around to see Helga leaning over the railing, holding a spoon dripping with whatever crud she called food. As they watched, she lobbed another glob after them. It shot down like a missile, narrowly avoiding them.

"I cannot see!" Clank cried. "This is covering my eyes!"

"Just keep your Helipack up, buddy! We're almost there!" Ratchet called, then grunted as something splattered across his legs. "She's too serious about this!"

Susie shrieked, ducking as another shot smacked against the lombax's shoulder. Ratchet groaned. "I'm gonna have to wash this suit fifty times over." Then the smell hit them. "Oh, crap. Susie, hold your breath."

They were about ten feet from the ground now. "'Kay, Clank. Drop us."

The robot retracted his blades, immediately wiping his eyes. That one glob had hit him dead center and pretty much covered the front of his body with greenish-brown slime. They tapped to the ground and the robot hopped of Ratchet's back, wiping himself off. "Ugh. I will need a long bath after this."

"Tell me about it-" Ratchet started, then glanced up and did a double take. "Oh, Saint Peter_ above-_"

**_SPLAT._**

* * *

_One Week later_

_Planet Veldin_

"How many baths did you two take?" Sasha laughed, not sure if she heard correctly.

"124." Ratchet and Clank told her. "Took me forever to get the smell out of my fur, because one, I nearly hurled every time I breathed, two, it was complete crap to begin with. Ugh." Ratchet shuddered. "Susie didn't even get hit when Helga dropped the plates on us."

"She probably would've been scarred for life." Clank said, shaking his head. "And some of it got in my mouth."

"Ha ha, now you know how I felt last year!" Ratchet taunted, poking the robot in the chest.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Sasha smiled at them. "Try not to get into any more trouble for at least a week, okay?"

"Try not to get into any trouble for a week?" Ratchet asked, staring at the monitor that winked off and returned to Clank's compartment. "Trouble finds us. Like, seriously."

"Even on holidays?" Clank asked.

_"Even on holidays."_

* * *

**_Happy Fourth of July!_**


End file.
